When we first hear the word “intimacy,” lots of people initially think about romantic relationships, but intimacy is an all-around necessity for all of human coexistence.
By definition, intimacy is close familiarity or friendship. It is a way to be seen and to be heard throughout our lives, which is also essentially how we build a healthy, respectful community and society. On the other hand, though its significance to us, intimacy is not a piece of cake; it is something that requires dual work, it takes time and patience.
Psychology Today explains how Intimacy begins with vulnerability and finding safety in a person to share heavy burdens we carry. That could be sharing personal conflicts one is experiencing at home, a struggle with other relationships, or pretty much anything on a spectrum. Either way, it is like shooting your shot in basketball; you might miss, meaning your feelings might be unreciprocated or ignored, or you make the basket and that person exchanges trust and closeness. We typically take a leap of faith to build intimacy with another person.
So, what advantage per se does intimacy have over us?
Well, first off, intimacy, and any kind of affection for that matter– self-love, gift giving, sweet notes, hugs, unspoken love language– is responsible for a large portion of our happiness. We find value and make time for the things that make us happy, so when we are deprived of such matters, it tends to take a toll on us.
In an article by Forbes Newsletter, Mark Travers, a Psychologist, examines that the lack of intimacy can “gradually erode your mental health” (Travers, 2024). Findings from the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown effects suggest that the lack of affection is strongly associated with stress, depression, and loneliness. The absence of intimacy can ultimately degrade the perspective of oneself to feelings of being unlovable and struggling with creating a sense of self and worth.
In addition to receiving affection, studies presented in Forbes Newsletter state that,
“Depriving ourselves of the opportunity to be affectionate toward others may also take a toll on our mental health. Research suggests that expressing affection to others enhances our own happiness and self-esteem, helps us get over our fear of intimacy and makes us less susceptible to depression.”
It is worth acknowledging that intimacy is not restricted to partners. We engage in intimacy daily with our friends and family as well– and it has many different ‘names’ per se. Laughing, sharing jokes, spending quality time together, doing hobbies together are all forms of intimacy and connecting with one another on a deeper level.
Intimacy not only helps us build genuine relationships, but it helps us become better versions of ourselves. When we experience the love we give, it gives us a sense of belonging and relation with each other, and ultimately, it undoubtedly fills us with contentment and peace.
Works Cited
Phillips, Lisa A. “The Radical Thrill of Intimacy.” Psychology Today, 3 January 2017, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201701/the-radical-thrill-intimacy#:~:text=It’s%20not%20only%20about%20how,loved%20ones%20in%20easier%20times. Accessed 13 March 2025.
Travers, Mark. “A Psychologist Explains The Effects Of ‘Affection Deprivation.’” Forbes, 13 February 2024, https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/02/13/a-psychologist-explains-the-effects-of-affection-deprivation/. Accessed 13 March 2025.
